Identity

 

This internal tug-of-war, this ambivalence, is sometimes subtle or even subconscious.  At other times it may become very intense and obvious.  This is when life can get that “hamster in a wheel” feeling or the feeling of being a broken record, going round and round in the same groove but never being able to figure out why or “get under” the pattern.  Whenever you recognize this feeling it is good news!  It means there is an internal tug-of-war going on with contradictory beliefs and they are trying to come into the light of your consciousness to be sorted out.  Isn’t the Universe ingenious?

 

Now it really is funny when you see clearly that you have always been holding both ends of the rope.  In one sense it’s like, “Damn this was all me the whole time.”  In another sense it is a huge relief because you realize there is nothing “out there” that needs to be sorted out.  Everything that needs to be seen is being presented to you right in this moment.  You simply have to slow down, be willing to look and be willing to let go.  Why let go?  Well because if you are really willing to look sincerely into your deeper nature, beliefs you have about yourself will start to fall away.  It is inevitable.  This is not a bad thing.  This is the road to freedom actually.  You see, every belief about yourself is a limitation.

 

 

This is part where the mind will start resisting this message.  “There are a lot of beliefs I have about myself that I like!”  This is perfectly OK, the mind gets uncomfortable when it starts to sense that something outside of its confines starts to become illuminated.  The mind doesn’t like the idea of letting go of beliefs, but once the letting go happens, the mind always finds itself in a much bigger home and recognizes the peace and freedom that comes with that.  It will be happier there, everything is happier with more space!  The big concern that the mind has with the statement that all beliefs about ourselves are limitations, is that we have convinced ourselves for so long that some beliefs about ourselves are good and some are bad.  Some we want to keep, and others we want to eliminate.  Some we identify strongly with and others we see as more flimsy (we are more willing to let go of them).  The ones we identify the most strongly with are actually so hidden from us that we don’t even see them as beliefs, we just feel like they are part of who we are.  It is as if the beliefs are what we are made out of!  One way of referring to beliefs that are so closely held that we cannot even see them, is to call them Identities.  In this way of speaking an identity is like the back of your head.  No matter where you turn to look you will not see it.   They are blind spots.  It’s as if they are already built in to your point of view.  You cannot easily look directly at an identity because you are already looking from the identity.

 

You cannot easily see an identity because you are usually looking from that identity.  This is where Grace comes in.  The Unknowable brings all that is hidden into consciousness out of boundless compassion.

 

You might ask, “Well if it seems like it is a part of me then why mess with it?”  That is a very good question.  The answer is that when people dig deeply inside and begin to uncover what it is that is obscuring their view of their deeper nature, what they inevitably find is that it is these identities that are preventing us from enjoying our natural freedom and the joy that comes with embodying our unlimited Self.  What is ultimately discovered is that these identities or unexamined and deeply held beliefs about ourselves, are exactly what causes all of our suffering.  They are what make us act in unconscious ways at times and do things that are counter to living simply, directly and out of our deepest truth.  They are what make us hesitate and  second guess ourselves.  They are what make us hold back from life.

 

An unseen identity is not part of who we are but it is like a hand that has been guiding our lives for so long that we don’t even recognize it anymore.  Some of us have many layers of these unseen identities piled on top of one another.  If we think about what it would take to unwind all of this it might start to sound hopeless.   There is actually really good news here.  The only thing that has to be done to dislodge an identity is to see it clearly.  This takes a certain willingness and some measure of courage.  It also requires you to open to something vastly larger and more intelligent than you are.  This may seem counter-intuitive, but to discover that which has been hidden we cannot use the usual methods of discovery.  Simply wanting to see our hidden identities will not always bring them fully into light.  This is because if we go rooting around looking for a hidden identity, then one of our hidden identities will, in part, be doing the looking.  It will be co-opting this venture to bring the hidden into the light.

 

So then what is the answer here?  I don’t have an exact answer because the exact answer will only be found in you.  However, I can tell you where to look.  To find that which can bring the hidden into the light you have to turn toward the Unknowable.  I know this is a strange word, but it is just a pointer.  There is something there inside you right now that is completely and utterly unknowable. Why is it unknowable?  Well quite simply because what you are in your deepest nature cannot know Itself as an object.  It is more like pure knowing with no object.  Can pure knowing be the Unknowable?  Look there and find out.  Look where?  Look at what is looking right now.  Look at what is reading these words right now.  Look at what is noticing thoughts right now.  Look at what is feeling sensations in the body right now.  If you attempt this you won’t miss because it has always been right where you are.  It never leaves you even for a second.  It  holds you always.  So don’t let the term “unknowable” throw you, I am simply using it to point to YOU.  I’m showing you how to  turn your attention around right now and direct it back into its Source.  That Source is too primary, too close to be known in any conventional way.  It is what makes all knowing possible and yet it also always rests in perfect serenity right inside of Itself.  There is no tug-of-war going on here.  There are no beliefs.  There is no struggle.  There are no identities.  There is just what you are.

 

Just the arising of experience.

Just the Unknowable

No middle man.

Just this!

Life happening.