There’s a kind of work that sounds straightforward until you actually do it. You think you’re going to examine desire and aversion. You imagine you’ll find a few clear triggers, learn a few things, and move on.
Then the nervous system shows up.
Not dramatically at first. Sometimes it’s subtle. You feel “a little triggered,” nothing major. And then you start investigating with real precision, and suddenly triggers appear everywhere—like they were waiting for the spotlight.
This is the terrain of Fetters Four and Five: not the idea of desire and ill will, but the lived reactivity that makes them feel necessary.
What This Work Targets: Fetters Four and Five (Desire and Ill Will)
I want to talk about the common pitfalls of doing work in the arena of desire and ill will, or desire and aversion—specifically, Fetters Four and Five in the way Kevin Shanalak has described working through those.
If this is something you’ve done, are doing, or are interested in doing, this is for you. If you’re unfamiliar with it, that’s not a problem. You can just listen to what I’m saying.
Some of what I’m going to point to is also applicable to other approaches to awakening or other aspects of awakening, so it may still be valuable.
If you want the full context for this specific approach, there’s a playlist called Fetters with Kevin Shanalak that goes through the process of unbinding step-by-step from various aspects of identity.
Why Precision Matters: This Work Is Literally Triggering
The reason I thought to make this is that lately I’ve been working with about four people going through Fetters Four and Five in a very specific way. The way Kevin laid it out initially is pretty specific, and there’s a reason for that specificity.
Essentially, it’s triggering. It’s literally triggering. You’re literally looking for the trigger.
And when you’re working with something that’s triggering, it’s easy to get lost in your mind, get distracted, and so forth—as you already know. That’s why it’s helpful to be very precise about what we’re doing.
Once you dial it in, you can really see what you’re looking for: what assumption you’re looking for in the realm of desire and aversion, or desire and ill will. And that can help unhook that tendency.
It takes some dialing in. You don’t usually get it right away. But once you’ve dialed it in, you can see it clearly.
[Possible clarification needed: what exactly is being “unhooked” here—the assumption, the reflex, or the felt compulsion to react?]
Three Things I Tell People Before They Start
There are certain common pitfalls I see. They’re so common that when I start doing this process with anybody—when we take up these fetters—I always tell them a handful of things ahead of time.
Pitfall #1: Underestimating Discomfort (and Unpredictability)
Number one, I always say: this is going to be challenging. It’s going to be uncomfortable.
I haven’t done this with anybody who didn’t find it uncomfortable.
It won’t necessarily be constantly uncomfortable. It will be uncomfortable when you’re actually doing the inquiry into the fetter, which you don’t have to do constantly all day long. You could do it for 15 minutes a couple times a day, or something like that. It’s really to your comfort level.
It doesn’t matter what the split is, or the total amount of time you dedicate. What matters is that you dedicate real attention to it and real precision, in my experience.
During those times of inquiry, of course it’s going to be uncomfortable.
And what I find is that when people start doing this, they may think, “I’m kind of triggered about one thing, but it’s not a big deal.” Then they start actually investigating. They start actually doing these inquiries and looking into their triggers.
And then triggers come out of everywhere—out of the woodwork.
They start feeling triggered all the time. It can be surprisingly amplifying of that tendency to get triggered, just by doing this work.
So I tell people: all that can happen. It’s okay. It might get worse before it gets better, in general. It may not—but generally speaking, you’re going to feel discomfort going through this process.
And I also tell them: I can’t tell you how long it will take. It could take a couple weeks—that’s very unlikely. It could take a couple months—that’s more likely. It could take a lot longer.
Pitfall #2: Not Recognizing Distraction as Reactivity
Number two, I tell people that triggers, discomfort, and reactions vary.
There are two main categories.
One is overt discomfort. You’re aware of it. You’re like: “I feel horrible. I feel uncomfortable suddenly. I feel out of sorts. I feel irritable.” Different variations, different intensities—but you know it’s happening.
The other side is more challenging when it comes to continuing and finishing this work: unconscious triggers and distractions.
I see this pretty frequently. Not everybody, but it’s more common than not.
Here’s what it can look like. I’ll start doing this work with someone and say, “Okay, get back to me every day or two. Go work on this for a couple days, tell me what you find, and we’ll keep going. We’ll dial it in.”
It’s a simple exchange. It’s not complicated. They know what I’m asking. I ask for that feedback, and they say, “Yeah, I’m clear.”
But more times than not, I won’t hear from them after two or three exchanges. Or we do a few triggers, and then something bigger comes, and I don’t hear from them for weeks or months.
Or when I do hear from them, they’re talking about something completely different—way off topic—some other emotional stuff that came up, different things.
Over time, I’ve realized what this is. One of the reactions we’re working with in Fetters Four and Five is that we’re looking for reactions. We’re looking at what happens before the reaction, and seeing if the reaction is necessary. But we’re going to be in the realm of reactivity.
And what this shows me is that many reactions are overt: you get irritable, you get mad, you lose your temper, you say something you wouldn’t normally say. You insist something goes a certain way. Someone’s behavior needs to be challenged. Whatever.
That’s all external and conscious.
But maybe as common—if not more common—there are reactions that don’t look like reactions. They’re just distraction.
You get lost in another topic. You forget what you’re doing. You distract yourself. You justify why you need to work on something else for a while and then come back.
It’s fascinating to watch.
I can literally call it out and say, “Do you see how distracted you’re getting? Just keep staying focused on this.” And they’ll say, “Oh yeah, okay.” But they don’t. Or they get lost and come back later.
It doesn’t happen to everyone, but it’s not uncommon.
And if you become curious about your own process, it can show you what reactions often look like. They look like distraction. They look like identity. They look like getting caught up in other stuff. They look like habits.
But most importantly, they look like avoidance of what actually triggered you.
This shows me something else too: people often don’t know what triggered them.
Until you really dial it in, it’s hard to see what triggers you. You think you know what triggers you, but you don’t really see it until you dial it in.
So that’s the second thing I tell people: you’re going to have reactions you don’t think are reactions. They’ll look like you just got distracted, or it didn’t work, or whatever.
But it does work. And you know it works because you know precisely how to do it—you’ve learned it, you’ve done it already. Something in the subconscious just leads you away from it.
I say this ahead of time to try to preempt it, but it still happens.
Pitfall #3: Assuming “No Progress” When the Work Is Actually Happening
The third thing is more supportive.
As much of a tire fire as this can feel like—like a true shitshow—you will feel uncomfortable, as I’m saying. Again, not constant discomfort. It’s not like a hell realm most of the time. But it will be uncomfortable and unpredictable. It will surprise you.
It can feel confusing trying to figure out what the trigger is, and all that.
But the third thing I tell people is this: even when you feel discombobulated—confused, out of sorts, irritable—the work is being done.
Even if it hasn’t clicked yet. Even if you haven’t found the trigger. Even if you haven’t weakened or broken the fetter.
If you’re doing this with heart, with intention, consistently, the work is definitely being done.
That scrambling of internal experience is good. When the unconscious is stirring and starting to break through into consciousness, and it feels wonky and uncomfortable—that’s good.
But you won’t see the rewards for a while.
You won’t really see it until the fetter weakens or breaks (or both), and even some time after that. Then you start to see the implications: what it feels like to live without that kind of reactivity, or to see there’s no causal need to react in the way it felt like there was before.
Informed Consent: This Is What to Expect
So these are the three things I like to tell people ahead of time if they’re going to take this up, if they’re working on it now, or if in the future they think they’re going to.
Or if you’re working with fetters with people and you’re going through this with them, I think it’s good to tell people ahead of time. It gives context. It lets them know what to expect.
It’s a bit of informed consent: “Are you okay to do this? Is this what you want? Because this is what’s going to happen, probably.”
Hopefully that’s helpful.
And like I said, even if you’re not familiar with Four and Five, or you don’t do it this way, or you’re not working with this material, these are pretty general statements that go with awakening in general.
It’s not uncommon that people are surprised at the discomfort that comes up. It’s not uncommon that people get distracted and lost for years and then come back, and then get distracted again. That’s common.
Stay Oriented to Truth: The Work Will Carry You
And the third thing holds more generally too: if you orient through your deepest instinct to truth—you might call it awakening, you may not. You may call it realization, you may not. Kensho, whatever. I don’t care. A koan. You may be using a koan.
But if you orient in alignment with your deepest truth, with your deepest yearning for truth, with your deepest resonance with truth, the work is being done.
Stay the course.